Rainbow Gate Farm welcomes you to.....
Welcome to Rainbow Gate Farm's "TOO FUNNY" page!
Special thanks to all my friends who send me these delightful jokes and cartoons.  Enjoy!

This page is dedicated with love to my dear friend Sandi Stonehill, the wonderful wife of pioneer Christian
singer Randy Stonehill.

If you have never heard Randy's music, do yourself a favor and buy the "Lazarus Heart" or the "Edge of the
World" CD's.  They will bless your heart.
Check out this cute game at this link!  It's
fun!  Don't forget to click "jump" and then
"chute" to open Daffy's parachute and
keep an eye on that wind direction!!  
Click here:
http://www.bassfiles.net/parachute.swf
Watch the above video if you are a car racing
fan....or if you just want a chuckle!
Don't forget to wiggle your mouse
when you click this link below!
http://ww10.e-tractions.com/snowglobe/globe.htm
Psychomatic Picture
Keep looking at the picture below and
you'll see a giraffe.  Look closely and
give your eyes time to adjust........
Subject: Tough love
I recently read your column on "tough love" for grandparents of
misbehaving children, whose own parents let them run wild.  I have followed your
advice, and enclose a picture demonstrating my technique when my
grandson just won't behave while I'm babysitting.  His parents (my son and his
wife) have told me not to spank him, so I just take him for a ride and talk to
him.  He usually calms down and stops misbehaving after our little car
ride together.
Signed,
"The Tough Love Grandma"
Please see Grandma's photo below
Just something that I found on the internet....
so that you could find some old yearbook photos
Kind of fun looking that far back!!

http://www.worldschoolphotographs.com/index1.htm
AMISH VIRUS ALERT:: YOU HAVE JUST RECEIVED AN
AMISH VIRUS

SINCE THEY DO NOT HAVE ELECTRICITY OR
COMPUTERS YOU ARE ON THE HONOR SYSTEM.
PLEASE DELETE ALL OF YOUR FILES.

THANK THEE
Got a friend that is going to be selling a slightly used
digital camera.  He won't need it any more, since he'll be
hospitalized for awhile.

Anyway, attached is the last picture taken with that
camera so you can see the quality of the pictures it takes
-er- took.
Thanks for checking it out.....
Doesn't it take great photos?
I think your
computer screen
is dirty!
Inner Strength

If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,


If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,


If you can resist complaining and boring people with
your troubles,


If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful
for it,


If you can understand when loved ones are too busy
to give you time,


If you can overlook when people take things out on
you when,


through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,


If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,


If you can face the world without lies and deceit,


If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,


If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,




If you can do all these things,






Then you are probably the family dog.
WAITING  FOR A FOAL TO BE BORN
> >10:00 Gather sleeping bag, alarm clock, and three old horse magazines and
>head for
> >the barn.
> >10:01 Return to house for bag of chips and 32 ounce Diet Pepsi
> >10:10 Back to barn. Flashlight goes out halfway there. Figure I can make
>if
>from
> >memory. Pat faithful ranch dog’s head as he pants and slobbers alongside
>me. 10:11 Suddenly remember I have no ranch dog!
> >10:11 Run screaming to the house. Change flashlight batteries. Change
>underwear.
> >Return to barn.
> >10:15 Establish foal-watch headquarters.
> >10:16 Enter broodmare’s stall for the 5,687th time.
> >10:16 Broodmare flattens ears for the 5,687th time.
> >10:19 Return to headquarters and squirm into sleeping bag.
> >11:18 Finally fall asleep.
> >11:19 Alarm goes off.
> >11:20 Peek through peephole. Broodmare flattens ears.
> >11:21 Reset alarm clock and flick off lights.
> >11:23 Flick on light. Realize 32 ounce Diet Pepsi was a mistake.
> >11:24 Run to house.
> >11:29 Walk back to barn.
> >11:30 One last check of broodmare through peephole. Ears pinned.
> >11:41 Check peephole. Mare is lying down.
> >11:42 Enter broodmare’s stall carrying “Ye Olde Foaling Manual”, 3 pounds
>of rags,
> >and iodine.
> >11:42 Mare breaks wind and gets up - ears pinned.
> >11:43 Return to sleeping bag and flick off light.
> >12:29 Fall asleep.
> >12:31 Alarm goes off.
> >12:32 Peek through peephole. Broodmare fine. Can’t see ears. Assume
>pinned.
>12:33 Back to sleeping bag.
> >12:39 Leg cramp.
> >12:40 Leg cramp gone.
> >1:10 Fall asleep.
> >1:39 Alarm goes off. Sleep through it.
> >6:30 Wake up. Glance at clock. Attempt to leap from bed. Crawl to
>peephole.
>See
> >two sets of pinned ears!!
Subject: how to get rid of housework......!!

1. Open a new file in your PC.
2. Name it "Housework."
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework
permanently?"
6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....
This is funny. I wish I had this guy for my lawyer.


Subject: Land Title

Everyone who has ever bought a house can enjoy this - it's too good not to share!

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client.  He
was told the loan would be granted if he could prove
satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as
collateral.  The title to the property dated back to 1803,
which took the Lawyer three months to track down.
After sending the information to the FHA, he received the
following reply (actual letter):

"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan
application, we note that the request is supported by an
Abstract of Title.  While we compliment the able manner in
which you have prepared and presented the application, we
must point out that you have only cleared title to the
proposed collateral property back to 1803.  Before final
approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the
title back to its origin."

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows
(actual letter):
"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been
received.  I note that you wish to have the title extended
further than the 194 years covered by the present
application.  I was unaware that any educated person in this
country, particularly those working in the property area,
would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S.,
from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our
application.
For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title
to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from
France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from
Spain.  The land came into the possession of Spain by Right
of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named
Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of
seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch,
Isabella.  
The good queen, Isabella, being pious woman and
almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the
precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she
sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition.

Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of
Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly
accepted, created this world.  Therefore, I believe it is
safe to presume that God also made that part of the world
called Louisiana.  God, therefore, would be the owner of
origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of
time, the world as we know it AND the FHA.  I hope to hell
you find God's original claim to be satisfactory.
Now, may we have our damn loan?"

The loan was approved.
A man and his wife were
having some
problems at home and were
giving each
other the silent treatment.
Later that week, the man
realized that
he would need his wife to
wake him at
5:00 AM for an early
morning business
flight to Chicago. Not
wanting to be the
first to break the silence
(AND LOSE),
he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00
am".
The next morning the man
woke up,
only to discover it was 9:00
am and
that he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go
and see why
his wife hadn't woken him
when he
noticed a piece of paper by
the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00
am. Wake up."
TOO CUTE! LOOK BELOW!
A BABY hippopotamus, swept into the Indian Ocean by the tsunami, is finally
coming out of his shell thanks to the love of a 120-year-old tortoise.

Owen, a 300kg, one-year-old hippo, was swept down the Sabaki River, into
the ocean and then back to shore when the giant waves struck the Kenyan
coast.

The dehydrated hippo was found by wildlife rangers and taken to the Haller
Park animal facility in the port city of Mombasa.  Pining for his lost
mother, Owen quickly befriended a giant male Aldabran tortoise named Mzee -
Swahili for "old man".

"When we released Owen into the enclosure, he lumbered to the tortoise
which has a dark grey colour similar to grown up hippos," Sabine Baer,
rehabilitation and ecosystems manager at the park, told Reuters on
Thursday.

Haller Park ecologist Paula Kahumbu said the pair were now inseparable.
"After it was swept and lost its mother, the hippo was traumatised. It had
to look for something to be a surrogate mother. Fortunately, it landed on
the tortoise and established a strong bond. They swim, eat and sleep
together," the ecologist added.

"The hippo follows the tortoise exactly the way it follows its mother. If
somebody approaches the tortoise, the hippo becomes aggressive, as if
protecting its biological mother," Kahumbu added.

"The hippo was left at a very tender age. Hippos are social animals that
like to stay with their mothers for four years."

She said the hippo's chances of survival in another herd were very slim,
predicting that a dominant male would have killed him.

Officials are hopeful Owen will befriend a female hippo called Cleo, also a
resident at the park.
This is a true story.  Our
hearts go out to the hundreds
of thousands of people
affected by this terrible
disaster.  
Below....signs we'd
sure like to see!
10 INCHES DEEP

A boy was sitting on a park bench with one hand resting on an open Bible. He was loudly
exclaiming his praise to God. "Hallelujah! Hallelujah! God is great!" he yelled without
worrying whether anyone heard him or not.

Shortly after, along came a man who had recently completed some studies at a local
university. Feeling himself very enlightened in the ways of truth, and very eager to show
this enlightenment, he asked the boy about the source of his joy.

"Hey," asked the boy in return, with a bright laugh, "Don't you have any idea what God is
able to do? I just read that God opened up the waves of the Red Sea and led the whole
nation of Israel right through the middle."

The enlightened man laughed lightly, sat down next to the boy, and began to try to open
his eyes to the "realities" of the miracles of the Bible.

"That can all be very easily explained. Modern scholarship has shown that the Red Sea in
that area was only 10-inches deep at that time. It was no problem for the Israelites to wade
across."

The boy was stumped. His eyes wandered from the man back to the Bible laying open in
his lap. The man, content that he had enlightened a poor, naive young person to the finer
points of scientific insight, turned to go.

Scarcely had he taken two steps, when the boy began to rejoice and praise louder than
before. The man turned to ask the reason for this resumed jubilation. "Wow!" exclaimed
the boy happily, "God is greater than I thought! Not only did He lead the whole nation of
Israel through the Red Sea, He topped it off by drowning the whole Egyptian army in 10
inches of water!"
Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
When he opens his eyes the first thing he sees is
a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the
side table. There's also a note from his wife.
"Honey, breakfast is waiting for you. I left early
to go shopping for things to make you a very
special dinner tonight. I Love You."
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough
there IS a breakfast waiting for him. His son is
sitting at the table and Marty asks, "Son, what
happened last night?"  
His son says, "You came home about 3 AM
really drunk! You broke some furniture, threw
up on the hallway rug and passed out."
Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is breakfast
waiting for me and why is your Mother going
to fix me a special dinner tonight?"  
His son replies, "Oh, that! Well, we dragged
you to the bed room, and when Mom tried to
take your pants off you said, "Lady,
leave me alone, I'm married!"  

A self-induced hangover - $55.00
To clean the hall rug - $120.00  
Broken furniture - $300.00
Saying the right thing - PRICELESS
And now for the family who loves to ride together.......here is the
new Texas Limo!!
Hug Somebunny
you love tonight!
So you really need to go to the
bathroom and you walk in....and
this is what you see......look below!
This is a real bathroom....but that's
a painting!
MORE COMING SOON!!!